As most of you probably already know, Ron Artest is one of the latest cast members of Dancing with the Stars. And this could not have come at a better time. Not only does it provide Ron Ron with some much needed structure and an activity that requires his attention and focus during the NBA lockout, but it also creates a diversion from Kobe Bryant's alleged cell phone altercation at church.
The truth is, we may not know if Ron Artest is a good dancer, but we do know that he is a phenomenal dirty dancer. And he might just have the moves to win this whole thing, which is a good thing since he is doing it for cancer research.
Here is a list of Ron Ron's top ten dirty dancing moves:
10. The Chest Pound.
Jazz vs Kings, January 25th, 2008. As a Sacramento King, Ron Artest gets testy with the Jazz's Matt Harpring and in the second half starts pounding his chest, committing hard fouls, and yells "NO LAY UPS!!!". He, of course, eventually gets ejected from the game. 9. The Bicep Kiss. Lakers vs Suns, March 22, 2011. Ron Ron makes a fast break dunk and then proceeds to perform a solo dance move in which he kisses each of his biceps. Not exactly dirty, but showboating isn't exactly good sportsmanship either. 8. The Jawbreaker. Lakers vs Celtics, June 15, 2010, NBA Finals. Ron Ron performs a little slide step move into the path of a Rajon Rondo layup attempt that conveniently lands his elbow into Rondo's jaw. 7. The Headlock. Lakers vs Cavaliers, December 25, 2010. As King James tries to take Ron Ron to the basket, Artest decides to give LeBron a Christmas gift. He puts the king in a headlock move that removes the king's headband. 6. The Clothesline. Lakers vs Knicks, January 9, 2011. As Amare Stoudemire drives to the basket, Ron Ron meets him in the paint with a clothesline move that effectively impedes Amare's progress. 5. The Takedown. Lakers vs Celtics, June 3, 2010, NBA Finals GM 1. A matter of seconds into the game and Ron Ron puts a nifty maneuver on Paul Pierce. He locks Pierce's arms and rolls him into a takedown, drawing technicals on both of them.
4. The Elbow. Lakers vs Trailblazers, April 8, 2011. Ron Ron performs an elbow swing to the back of Gerald Wallace's head, which initially only earns him a loose ball foul. However, Wallace doesn't appreciate the move and double techs are called. 3. The Pau Pow. Lakers vs Rockets, May 8, 2009, Western Conference Semis Game 3. Ron Ron gives his future Laker teammate, Pau Gasol, a hard foul as he drives to the basket, which earns him a flagrount 2. 2. The Kobe Throat Slash. Lakers vs Rockets, 2009 Western Conference Semis Game 2. Things get really chippy between future Laker teammates, Ron Ron and Kobe Bryant. The Black Mamba throws an elbow at Ron Ron's throat, which infuriates him. But before he gets T'ed up and ejected from the game, he gets right in Kobe's face to give him some player etiquette tips and his personal take on sportsmanship. Then before he leaves the court he performs a couple of throat slashing gestures towards Mr. Bryant, which appeared to mark the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 1. The Head Blow. Lakers vs Mavericks, May 4, 2011, Western Conference Semis Game 2. With 24 seconds remaining in the game and the outcome already decided, Ron Ron performs a forearm blow to the head of JJ Barea, which earns him a Game 3 suspension, and of course the Lakers are ultimately swept by the now reigning NBA champions. You might wonder why the Pacers-Pistons brawl aka "the Melee" is not mentioned here. Ron Ron was suspended for eighty-six games and lost approximately 5 million in salary, but Ron Ron's moves were with a fan, and he will not be permitted to dance with a fan while competing on DWTS. He has been partnered with Cheryl Burke. Good luck on DWTS, Ron Ron. As a supporter of cancer research, I hope you win the whole thing, but as a fellow Filipno American, I am also a Cheryl Burke fan so try not to hurt, uh I mean, try not to get too dirty.
