Kate Gosselin has only been off the air for a few weeks -- although if it seems like it's been longer than that, it's because most people stopped paying attention after she finally got kicked off Dancing With The Stars. But all those kids gotta eat, and it seems unlikely that she'll just go back to being a nurse, so it's time for Kate to start looking for a new job.
Now, as a brand, Kate really only has two things going for her: her shrill self-righteousness and her complete lack of likeability. Luckily, there are several places where those qualities wouldn't be handicaps on her way to further television riches:
Glee's producers have apparently never heard of the concept of "Less is more," so if Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch) is the most irritatingly cartoonish presence on the series, why not introduce Kate as Sue's sister: the one person in the Gleekerverse who's even more venal and vapid than Sue herself! Caveat: she's probably an even worse singer than she is a dancer, though that hasn't stopped Cory Monteith.
The X Factor
So I think we can all agree that Simon Cowell is one giant mound of smug, preening jackass, yes? But what if the other end of the judge's table was weighed down not with that chick who was in the Pussycat Dolls, but with the only person on TV with a more overinflated sense of self-worth than Simon? Of course Kate has no musical talent, but hey, she wrote a book on parenting while being a lousy mother. So what's to stop her now?
The Real Housewives of Suburban Pennsylvania
The closest thing to a star on this franchise is that chick who used to be married to Kelsey Grammer: this may be the only show that Kate Gosselin has too much class for! But what if her cast mates were ACTUAL suburban Pennsylvania housewives? You know, who have to raise their kids without paid-for nannies and security guards? Let the false smiles and passive-aggressive sniping begin!
Survivor
Oh come on. You just know this would be hilarious. Just imagine that moment when Kate realizes that they don't just all retire to the hotel and get massages and mani-pedis as soon as the cameras get turned off, and that she really is going to be expected to eat bugs during at least one challenge. I give her 36 hours before there's a meltdown that makes that freakshow at the Grand Canyon look like she was singing "Kumbayah" with flowers in her hair.
Parks and Recreation
Two words: Tammy 3. Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) has a history of making really, really bad romantic decisions, and getting involved with a permanently-aggrieved divorcee with eight kids and a perpetual sense of her own victimhood would be the worst one of all. Or, whatever, just stick her into the cast of Rules of Engagement. Nobody likes that show anyway.
