Behold the stadium star in charge. For any music performer, the Super Bowl Half-time Show can only go one of two ways. You 'kill it' or die trying. At SBXLVI, Madonna proved she can still shake an over-rehearsed song in your face and make it sound fresh.
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With a few hit tunes ready to go and celebrity pals by her side, Madge made her mark. But not every stunt went according plan. Let's dissect all of the high, low and bizarre-o moments:
Midas touch down: Seeing Madonna dragged onstage by a dogsled of hairless Abercrombie gladiators may sound cool but it appeared completely cornball; more 'Liz Taylor meets Cleopatra' than 'Material Girl buys Egypt.'
Are the Vikings playing today? (She's wearing a helmet with horns!) Either Madonna has just come from a lodge brother meeting in Buffalo, NY or from her day job as a yodeling waitress at Strudel Hut.
Musical chair medley: (Lip synching may cause dry mouth) Madonna burns through a mix of her biggest pop candy hits. From Vogue to Express Yourself, then Music — her new song, Give Me All Your Luvin' slowed things down but didn't detract from the show stopper; Like a Prayer, gospel style.
Say hello to my little friend(s): Did the guest artists help or hurt? M.I.A flips her longest finger to the crowd while Nicki Minaj seems to match Madge in energy, channeling a 'Thelma & Louise' type reckless chemistry. Cee Lo Green gamely taunts Madonna in a husk & honey duet but why does he always wear a sleeping bag? Ditch the Uncle Fester threads and dance.
Legs in the air: Madonna yoga cartwheels her way across stage while a nerdy dancer with a Three Stooges (Larry) afro walks a tight rope five feet above the ground. Is this a half time show or after school try outs for gymnastics? (See Madonna briefly stumble while singing, Music)
Quick change of pace: How long does it take for a back up dancer to shed a cheetah skin tux and zip up a Beastie Boys track suit? Way too long. There's no time for multi-theme storytelling. Pick one costume, suit up and stay there.
Marching band aids: A welcome throw back to Super Bowl's early years when the host city's marching band stole the show. A perfect way to elevate any sports prayer. (Is that Tom Brady playing tuba?)
The Fog of War: The end nears. Madonna falls through a trap door leaving the wild crowd wanting more. Poof! After a magic mushroom cloud clears, the Material Girl leaves a life or death message for the masses (See W.E. now playing nationwide?) No. Slowly, letters appear, hovering over the audience and form two words, 'World Peace.'
One mystery remains: After singing about faith and a higher power, where did Madonna disappear to? That's easy. The 'Early Bird' dinner at Sizzler, because that's where little old ladies on a fixed income go after church, on Sundays.
