It's Valentine's Day, and the roommates are having relationship issues. Especially the ones who aren't even in relationships!
Nick & Julia
Nick (Jake M. Johnson) and Julia (Lizzy Caplan) are celebrating their first Valentine's Day together. She gets him heart boxers and she wears a weird heart headband. She's totally dedicated to the holiday, right? Wrong. She spends all night working, and Nick spends his Valentine's Day with her assistant. Later, Nick unwittingly convinces the assistant to quit -- but then makes good by sorting all Julia's files for her. Aw, how romantic.
Winston & Shelby
Winston (Lamorne Morris) wants to go on a first date with the Shelby, aka the girl he used to call for booty calls, on Valentine's Day. But when he goes over to her house, she's having a girls' night. He makes the best of it though, by making sangria and engaging in man-bashing girl talk. At the end of the night, Shelby tells him he keeps making up for the guy he used to be -- the guy who didn't call. And then they totally make out! Yay Winston! Score!
Jess & Random Guy from Club
Jess (Zooey Deschanel) goes to a club with the intention of having a one-night stand. She meets an eligible bachelor named Oliver. (Side note: It's totally Ryan Kwanten from True Blood! Sadly, he doesn't have his super-sexy Australian accent in this, but -- good news! -- he doesn't have that really annoying Louisiana accent from True Blood, either.) Turns out he has a girlfriend, though, and thus Jess's plan fails miserably. That's OK. She's not the one-night stand kinda girl anyway. She's more like a marry-Nick-and-have-lots-of-babies kinda girl.
Schmidt & Cece
Cece (Hannah Simone) and Schmidt (Max Greenfield) spend all night pretending not to be into each other, even though we all know they totally are. She calls him while at a playground with a very stoned Kyle who is swinging on a swing and shouting, "I love brown people!" But instead of spending the evening with Cece, who clearly likes him, Schmidt spends the whole night being a grumpy old curmudgeon who is angry at the neighborhood "youths." Poor Schmidt. He's just so clueless.
At the end of the night, Jess goes to Schmidt's room with her giant box of condoms, but Nick comes home before she can get inside his room. Lucky for Schmidt, because it turns out he's in his room having sex with Cece! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Jess wanting to have sex with Schmidt?! Schmidt actually having sex with Cece?! Craziness all around. But I like it. Do you agree?
Best Lines:
"Every time you have sex with the same person, Jess, you die."
--Schmidt to Jess.
"I know what I'm talking about -- I have my 10,000 hours. Outliers? You should read it. Malcolm Gladwell. It's one of my desert island books, along with Machiavelli's The Prince, Freak, by John Leguizamo, any of the scripts from the first season of The Vampire Diaries, any of The Phantom Tollbooth..."
--Schmidt to Jess.
"Shrooms! I ate three! On a pizza!"
--Kyle to Cece and Schmidt.
"I have a nose strip on my nose, man!"
--Winston, on the phone to Nick while at Shelby's girly party.
"What does a girl gotta do to have a one-night stand around here?"
--Jess, at Oliver's apartment.
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