Spend all week in the garage wondering to do with all the ice melt you bought for the winter storms that never came? Here's what you missed on TV.
A Long Oscars Nap
Just how dull, safe and predictable was this year's Oscar telecast? With no shocking upsets, bad behavior during acceptance speeches or ridiculous dresses on the red carpet, all people had to talk about the next morning was Angelina Jolie's bizarre stance -- with one undraped leg cocked out at an awkward angle -- during her presentation. When The Descendents screenplay winner (and Community co-star) Jim Rash mocked Jolie's positioning while accepting his award, it was one of the few genuinely funny moments of the whole night.
Them's The Breaks
What makes The Amazing Race different from (and superior to) all other reality competition shows is how actual reality can intrude on the competition. When three sets of teams set off on an 18-hour bus ride through Argentina, it looked bad for the folks in the back of the pack. But when the second bus was delayed after a rock blew out one of its windows, that group of teams suddenly found themselves well behind the others, leading to the elimination of married clowns Dave and Cherie after Dave fumbled a long-division-based math challenge at a stockyard.
Eastbound and Boom
Will Ferrell made a return appearance on Eastbound and Down as Kenny's (Danny McBride) nemesis Ashley Schaeffer. Now in reduced circumstances due in large part to his obsession with destroying Kenny, Ashley proved that he's become completely unhinged when he killed a man with a cannon during a bizarre dinner party, and attempted to murder Kenny and Stevie (Steve Little) the same way. I know this show is nowhere near realistic, but the sudden swerve into cold-blooded murder was kind of hard to process.
A Dish Best Served Cold
There was so much buzz after the 2011 Golden Globes that Johnny Depp was offended by host Ricky Gervais's barbs that he pretty much had to appear on Gervais's new show Life's Too Short. Playing himself in Hunter S. Thompson drag, Depp sat in Gervais's office and hurled insulting one-liners in the comic's face, knocking over the fruit bowl in the process. Contrary to popular belief, Johnny Depp clearly does have a sense of humor about himself.
A Big Change of Scenery
After Robin (Cobie Smulders) moves out of Ted's (Josh Radnor) apartment following a mistimed declaration of love on his part, How I Met Your Mother made a surprising change-up. Seeing how lonely and bored Marshall (Jason Segel) and Lily (Alyson Hannigan) were in their new house in the suburbs, Ted gives them his Manhattan apartment. It feels like they might finally be on their way to revealing The Mother sometime soon.
One of the classic sitcom tropes is the scene where an escalating series of secrets gets revealed. 2 Broke Girls did a fine version of this old favorite during Caroline's (Beth Behrs) birthday party, beginning with the unintentional revelation that Sophie (Jennifer Coolidge) had a moment of weakness and hooked up with the persistent Oleg (Jonathan Kite). By the way, I know he's regularly fingered as one of the show's weak points, but I'm really starting to like how they're fleshing Oleg out and humanizing what had been a one-joke character.
Y'Know, Now That They Mention It
Cougar Town set in motion a hilarious running gag this week involving next-door neighbor Tom (Bob Clendenin). After two full seasons of not knowing a thing about Tom except for his rather creepy crush on Jules (Courteney Cox), we learn not only that he has a last name (Gazelian) but also that he's a neurosurgeon at the hospital where Travis (Dan Byrd) is taken after he suffers a skull fracture when he falls off his skateboard. Really? Creepy neighbor Tom is a neurosurgeon?
The Downside Of Craft Cocktails
On Happy Endings, Dave (Zachary Knighton) gets a liquor license for his food truck. Unfortunately, the drawback of his signature cocktail (secret ingredient: turpentine!) is that it makes Jane (Eliza Coupe), Penny (Casey Wilson) and Brad (Damon Wayans Jr.) all start having sex dreams about Dave, all of them accompanied by the sax solo from Gerry Rafferty's "Baker Street." Penny's dreams in particular are uncharacteristically romantic: I suspect they're setting up a Dave-Penny relationship in the season finale.
The Mean Girls Fall
On the season finale of Top Chef, the final two are unassuming Paul and Sarah, leader of the clique of mean girls who made poor Beverly's life hell all season long. In the final showdown, Sarah is hampered when she accidentally picks Travis -- the cocky but clueless guy Tom Colicchio sent home halfway through the first challenge in the first episode -- as one of her sous chefs, and Paul gets Boston restaurant heavyweight Barbara Lynch. Paul wins the title, and Beverly is finally redeemed.
Will Forte: Secret Weapon
Now that he's at least temporarily left his recurring role as Paul, Jenna's (Jane Krakowski) sexually-adventurous boyfriend, on 30 Rock, Will Forte has made a return to Up All Night as hapless neighbor Reed. Reed's attempts at machismo while he and Chris (Will Arnett) were attempting to repair an old motorcycle were cringingly hilarious, as were the insults lobbed at his '80s-style red leather jacket. Somebody give this man his own show!