The Best of the Worst
Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney swept three primaries this week, seemingly spelling out the end for Rick Santorum. Stewart referred to Romney lovingly as the "last bland standing" who can't even get a decent endorsement from his own party. Colbert insisted his own personal endorsement of the inevitable candidate would feel better with time. Romney's wife, Ann, on the other hand, wanted to reassure the public her husband is "not stiff," by suggesting we "unzip him" to let the real Romney out. Thank goodness?
Staying (sort of) Alive
Both hosts drew attention to weak arguments in the face of opposition. Despite his shortcomings, Santorum just won't throw in the towel, but can't seem to give anyone a reason to keep him in the race to the White House. Both shows took a look at his long-winded speeches and the slowly growing "Mitthusiasm" (Colbert), showing the mainstream media is ready to let Santorum go, finally. President Obama made a poor defense of his medical reform plan in light of the Supreme Court's threat to overturn it. Both seem to be hanging on, just barely, as election season rolls on.
Stewart tried to get TV rival Bill O'Reilly to play nice by challenging him to a game. He was trying to get O'Reilly to go back on his word to never buy a piece of shrimp that cost $4 -- a remark made after budget figures from a Las Vegas government convention hit the press and caused outrage. He failed. Colbert, however, took home a Peabody Award for his Colbert Super Pac segments, making him the winner of the week, and he wasn't about to let anyone forget it. He thanked his amusing supporters and plugged his "Super Fun Pac" for college students.
The Peeve Report
Stewart and Colbert shared what really got under their navy suits this week. Stewart called out the Commander in Chief for sending campaign emails with casual subjects like "Hey," while he was being praised for his use of social media during his term. He said he would rather know up-front he is being asked for money instead of thinking the president just wants to chat. Colbert came to the defense of "pink slime" and its role in the commercial production of ground beef. He thinks the mixture of meat scraps has an undeserved bad reputation. Makes you want a burger.
Stewart and Colbert came to terms with Romney's inevitable selection as the Republican candidate for president. Stewart got to take a "racist timeout" while Colbert reminded author Anne Rice she is going to hell. There goes the neighborhood.
Daily Show correspondent Al Madrigal takes a look at the Tucson (Ariz.) school board's decision to ban the Mexican-American Studies Program as "critical brainwashing."
Colbert launches his new segment, "Colbert's Very Wanted," and looks for a vandal who targets mailboxes shaped like marine mammals.
Best Back 'n Forth:
April 2, 2012 -- Mohamed Nasheed, former president of the Maldives, appealing for a return to democracy and help from the U.S. government.
Nasheed: "They seem to have to ask all sorts of people around the Maldives before they can say anything. Well, India is very big and large, but I wonder if it is an intelligent thing to outsource your foreign policy."
Stewart: "You are one, if I may say, very courageous young gentleman."
April 4, 2012 -- Jack Goldsmith, author of the book Power and Constraint, discusses how the demands of the American people about their government have changed over the past 10 years.
Goldsmith: "If you look at the kinds of things you were insisting on back then, I bet one of them was judicial review -- you were probably insisting on habeas corpus."
Stewart: "Our Habeas Corpus Week was very popular with the college kids that year, I remember."
Stewart: "Here's what I've decided: Your job is what people would do if they didn't have to work."
Bourdain: "I have the best job in the world. There's no doubt about that."
Stewart: "I have gotten diarrhea from [watching] your show."
Bourdain: "We have a joke on the show that if there's not a 50 percent chance of diarrhea from eating something it's almost not worth eating."
April 2, 2012 -- Gary Johnson, hoping to get the Libertarian presidential nomination, explaining to Colbert what a Libertarian is.
Colbert: "For the people out there who aren't hip to the scene, describe what a Libertarian is."
Johnson: "A Libertarian is going to end the wars in the Middle East."
Colbert: "That's pretty much done already. Hold on one second: Don't give him credit for things he hasn't done."
April 3, 2012 -- Nikki Haley, governor of South Carolina, explains the current political climate in Colbert's home state.
Colbert: "I love my home state, but the politics are just a notch above Honduras."
Gov. Haley: "It's a blood sport. I wear heels and it's not for a fashion statement -- it's ammunition."
Colbert: "You keep 'em sharpened?"
Gov. Haley: "I do. It's for kicking."