Hosts John Stewart of The Daily Show and Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report took aim at lavish government spending, presidential humor, prostitution and injustices against women. Here's what they each had to say about the week's biggest offenders.
A Woman's Worth
Women are going to be the key to the 2012 presidential election. The Democrats and the Republicans exchanged blows over who was responsible for berating the value of women. Stewart didn't think the discussion was getting much respect with the term "war on..." applying to lesser causes on FOX News and that it seemed like only conservative women could be considered victims. Colbert applauded the outrage, calling it a "Beautiful War On Women," which reminded all of us that women do exist and they are all special.
Secretly Seeking Service
While traveling with the president to Colombia, U.S. Secret Service agents were caught with prostitutes after one demanded she was not paid. This was another issue Stewart thought the media was not paying enough attention to, while Colbert went on the defense of the agents, saying the fault lay with the president. It is up to him to protect them from distractions like that. Colbert also drew attention to another sexual issue: sex education. He supported a new Tennessee law that requires teachers to avoid discussing "gateway" sexual behaviors like holding hands and kissing.
The Romney Factor
The humor of President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney was called into question by Diane Sawyer. Stewart found that Romney flipped back and forth on the question, first saying he was very funny in private and then taking it back, as he does with all of his opinions. Colbert had more faith in the republican, saying his humor is in his long-winded explanations and that his private jokes probably involve fecal matter at the dinner table. Since Romney is bound to have a bland running mate, he may need that poop joke.
The Two Glasses Are Half Full
Both hosts went after GSA Regional Commissioner Jeff Neely, who authorized the spending of more than $800,000 on a Las Vegas conference. They both mocked his choice to plead the Fifth Amendment and raised their questions about the source of the second glass of wine joining Neely in the tub. In Stewart's opinion, the only person who acted more despicable might be Geraldo Rivera, who took advantage of his Afghani translator by posing some profanity-laced questions to a member of the Taliban over the phone.
This week, Americans paid Uncle Sam while these two hosts paid mind to corruption and injustice -- and don't you forget it. The road to suffrage continues.
Correspondent Jason Jones examines the priorities of women voters. Sort of.
The Colbert Report takes a look at the Mexican "lunch meat cartels" that are smuggling this popular sausage product into the United States.
Best Back 'n Forth:
April 16, 2012 -- Musician Bonnie Rait stops by The Colbert Report in honor of her new album and flatters Colbert.
Rait: "You make our lives worthwhile, Stephen."
Colbert: "Thank you very much. I shout that into a mirror every morning."
April 17, 2012 -- Journalist John Lehrer gives Colbert a lesson in creativity.
Lehrer: "We've outsourced the imagination when it really comes from these three pounds of meat right inside here." [points to head]
Colbert: "Three pounds?"
Lehrer: "Just over 12 watts of electricity."
Colbert: "So, enough to power a car lighter."
Louis-Dreyfus: "I went to Sen. Al Franken's desk and I wrote a little note and I stuck it in his desk I left the building. Do you wanna know what the note said?"
Stewart: "I wanna know why they let you in his his office when no one was there?!"
Louis-Dreyfus: "No, not his office, on the floor of the Senate!"
Stewart: "Oh, in his little desk?"
Louis-Dreyfus: "It said, 'Senator, the pornographic material has been removed from this desk'."
Stewart: "I can just imagine, in that moment, him being like, 'I need a f_____g candy bar'."
April 18, 2012 -- Arianna Huffington joins Colbert to discuss her Pulitzer Prize.
Colbert: "I like you. I don't like your politics. I think you're a cancer on America, OK? But you seem like a nice lady, so I wanna say I'm sure you earned it. What specifically did the Huffington Post win for? Was it for Heidi Klum nip slips? What was the article?"
Huffington: "You know what, Stephen? I have a feeling that you're just bitter and jealous."
Colbert: "Oh really? Oh how's your Peabody, baby? How's your Peabody? Maybe my Peabody could fight your Pulitzer?"
Huffington: "Who needs a Peabody when you have a Pulitzer?"
Colbert: "So which one of you is struggling with poverty?"
Smiley: "As you mentioned, I am on public television and public radio."
Colbert: "Which is a charity endeavor, I understand."