After another prolonged version of the theme song, I'm left with the intense desire for a new tune for this show. Something that doesn't sound like the bathroom music in an MDMA den.
Somebody to Loathe
The Queen cover band does a pretty competent job, and the Freddie Mercury ringer actually looks somewhat like him, properly falsettoing out on the tune "Somebody to Love." At the very end, the remaining members come out of their sarcophagi to jam with the fresh blood. The American Idol contestants clap from a corner of the stage.
Tonight's Ford music video has the Idol Kids covering B.o.B.'s "Magic," one of the otherwise solid rapper's attempts to appeal to the pop-minded.
After a really annoying TMZ segment where we are subjected to what passes for humor in their paparazzi den of idiocy, we blissfully escape back to the significant improvement of the American Idol stage.
That's right: time for results. And again, in another attempt to torment the poor woman, Elise is sent up yet again with BB Chez.
Jimmy makes a good point of the creepiness of a trio of BB Chez's appearing on the large screen behind her. I've read every Stephen King book, however, so I have to correct Jimmy in his mistake of claiming that anything like that ever took place in a King tale. It was more in keeping with Philip K. Dick's brand of psychosocial horror.
And sure enough, it is Elise that is the first member of the bottom three.
No surprises so far.
Idol Favorite Stefano!
Stefano Langone, AMERICAN IDOL FAVORITE! takes the stage! OMG! But first, Ryan interviews a lawn gnome who made it onto the show last year.
STEFANO! begins with a monkey falsetto introduction that makes everyone woozy with how awesome he is! And he walks around the stage giving high fives to his good friends of the band who are paid back-up dancers, so they're obviously super tight! He's on a roll as he jumps around the stage, giving the screaming girls in the front row the moment of the lives when he low-fives them. His leather jacket and gelled hair are so cool! STEFANO!
No one throws down quasi-racist gang signs like STEFANO! I wish I was there in the audience to behold the glory that is STEFANO! If you are foolish enough to deny the brilliance of STEFANO! then you are clearly missing out on the glory of STEFANO! The only bad thing about his performance is that it had to end. STEFANO IS ON A ROLL!
Don't buy Stefano Langone's album, unless you want to embolden him. He will consume everything that you know and love. STEFANO!
Another mean moment follows when Hollie gets sent up with Joshua. The producers have a definite mean streak.
Jimmy reiterates my point that Hollie's choice of "Save Me" was a subconscious cry. And he is absolutely right about the irredeemable failure of this show if Joshua was to go home tonight.
But of course it's obviously Hollie that joins Elise in the bottom three.
Katy Perry takes the stage next. And I'm sorry, but I can only feign adulation once at most. It was horrible. Which is fitting, because she is horrible. BB Chez, a 16-year-old girl, can easily mop the floor with her. Just a bad live performance, almost as insidious as when she guest hosted, (that's right GUEST HOSTED) on the bastion for tired comedy, Saturday Night Live. This is a singer who became famous on the strength of a song that is insulting to not only lesbians, but anyone with ears unfortunate to hear it, after years of sailing under the radar with poorly written Christian anthems. But after a few plastic surgeries, she had the country screaming for more of her insipid tunes.
STEFANO, TAKE THE STAGE AGAIN AND SHOW HER HOW ... ugh, I'm even out of steam pretending that his on-stage travesty was anything but horrible.
Another One Gone, and Another One Gone
The final pair awaits their fate. And it is Skylar the joins the bottom three, making it official that it's an all lady bottom three. Skylar gets an immediate reprieve, another obvious development, leaving the two I felt were under greatest threat.
And it's Elise that goes home. If the Idol voting community weren't mostly comprised of screaming girls, it wouldn't have come to this, and the mature, intriguing Elise wouldn't have been eliminated. But the screaming throngs of high schoolers have spoken. The inevitable has happened. Goodbye, Elise Testone.
You were too good for this show.