Winston gets a cool new earring, Schmidt has problems downstairs and Nick and Jess backslide into former relationships.
Captain Black Sparrow
Some of the strongest jokes from tonight's New Girl outing came courtesy of Winston's (Lamorne Morris) new ear bling. While his roommates fall apart around him, Winston is doing better than ever. He has a great girlfriend and his job is finally going well, so well that he lets his boss give him a stylish new earring. As the earring gets weird and more elaborate, the jokes get better and better. Winston might not have gotten the meatiest plot line this time around, but he certainly got the biggest laughs.
Raisin in the Nursing Home
Meanwhile, Schmidt (Max Greenfield) is still suffering from the broken penis he got from Cece's (Hannah Simone) roommate last week. This means that we learn a disturbing amount of things that turn Schmidt on. Among them is emotional intimacy and baby birds. Not among his turn-ons are old people, as he meets Cece's grandmother and learns that Cece is ready to get serious with him. Only thankfully not until he's all healed up.
Asian Jess and Caucasian Jen
Jess (Zooey Deschanel) is in a terrible, sad-lady-song place after her breakup. Schmidt and Cece try to help her from backsliding, but she does anyway, and in spectacular fashion. She backslides not to recent ex Russell but to former beau and ugly crier Paul (Justin Long). Of course, she soon finds out that Paul is engaged to her Asian doppelganger. After sweetly helping Paul apologize and propose, Jess realizes that true love is too special to settle for anything less.
Past and Future Nick
Just like everyone this week, Nick (Jake M. Johnson) is having relationship problems. His problem is that he's gotten back together with toxic ex Caroline (Mary Elizabeth Ellis). Even when the guys finally go for the nuclear option and show Nick a tape of himself in the past with a feelings beard and a jar of tears, he's undeterred. It was particularly sad to see him ignore Jess' offer to be the non-judgmental voice in his head that sounds like Tom Waits and tells him he can pull off hats.
Will Nick really move out? Let us know what you think in the comments!
"Am I self-sabotaging? Am I secretly a cylon?"
-- Jess to Cece.
"I'm going to be a single old lady flashing people on the subway."
-- Jess envisioning her future to Schmidt.
"Caroline is way hotter than that voice in my head who sounds like Tom Waits and tells me that I'm a failure and that I look bad in hats."
-- Nick to Jess about Caroline.
"If you hurt her, I will let myself die and then haunt you."
-- Cece's grandma warning Schmidt.
"I'm gonna miss you, Winston. I'm going to miss you when your caravan moves on to the next village."
-- Schmidt to Winston about his hoop earring.