Spend all week trying to avoid spoilers for NBC's tape-delayed Olympics coverage? Here's what you missed on TV.
Your Parents Weren't This Embarrassing
Although the big gymnastics news of the first Olympic weekend was that reigning world champion Jordyn Wieber wasn't even going to be able to compete for an individual gold medal, attention quickly shifted to her teammate Aly Raisman. Or more specifically, to her parents Lynn and Rick. After Raisman's winning routine, NBC showed her parents' agonized, tense reactions to her performance, with the pair of them grimacing and yelling in their seats. It quickly became a viral video smash, but it's a shame Kristen Wiig and Chris Parnell aren't on Saturday Night Live anymore: they'd be perfect to play the Raismans.
Not the Lies We're Looking For
On Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kris Jenner has rekindled her relationship with Todd Waterman, the guy who broke up her first marriage and whom many suspect may be Khloe's real father. While Bruce Jenner struggled to form an outraged facial expression after learning that his wife had lunch with her ex, the daughters "spontaneously" decided that Mom should take a lie detector test, which she passed. Unfortunately, the questions didn't include things like "Was Kim's marriage a moneymaking ploy?" and "Is Kanye West on salary to play Kim's boyfriend this season?"
Crazy Like A Fox
The miniseries Political Animals is really only for politics junkies like myself, but the cast on this inside-the-Beltway drama, led by Sigourney Weaver as once-and-future presidential candidate Elaine Barrish, is uniformly great. In episode three, we learn that Elaine's ex-husband, popular but scandal-plagued former president Bud Hammond (Ciarán Hinds), deliberately torpedoed her first run for the presidential nomination with an unhinged interview on live TV. His private polling had revealed she was about to lose, and she could better position herself for a future run if he was seen as the reason why she lost.
Always Take Your Mom's Calls
As The Closer continues its wrap-up, Brenda (Kyra Sedgwick) deals with a complex frame job on an innocent priest, while her investigation is being stymied by a suddenly-hostile Chief Pope (J.K. Simmons), who at the episode's end suggests that she should start looking for a new job. But the biggest shock comes at the very end, when Brenda returns home, after rebuffing her mother's phone calls all day, to discover that her mom (Frances Sternhagen) has died in her sleep.
Superfans Get Super Annoying
It had seemed that the weirdest thing about Bachelor Pad's new twist -- that some of the show's "Superfans" would be among the contestants -- was that someone would admit to being a superfan of this incredibly skeevy show. But in fact, superfan twins Brittany and Erica turned out to be less interested in the guys than in yelling at each other, So much so that after an epic all-night screaming match, the girls walked off the show on only its second episode.
The First Shall Be Last
The Glee Project is so completely devoted to the underdog that it turns out that being too talented, centered and together can actually be a detriment. Southern blonde Shanna has consistently been one of the show's strongest performers, but although her solid professionalism (which admittedly veered a bit to the robotic at times, as on her last-chance performance of Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger") would suit a show like American Idol or The Voice, she just didn't have the right personality for Glee.
Dallas Reboot Knows What Works
In the next-to-last episode of the comeback season of Dallas, a lot of relationships come to a head: J.R. (Larry Hagman) and Bobby (Patrick Duffy) seemingly reconcile as Bobby's cancer treatments start giving him seizures. Feuding cousins John Ross (Josh Henderson) and Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) decide to patch up their differences and join forces. And at the very end, Christopher's scheming wife Rebecca (Julie Gonzalo) and her blackmail partner Tommy (Callard Harris) struggle over a handgun, which goes off bloodily in the final shot. Who shot who? We'll find out next week.
This Doesn't Count As A Twist
The producers of Big Brother went ahead this week with what they had claimed was a shocking, game-changing twist, but which both viewers and contestants have known was in the cards from the beginning of the season: supposed coaches and mentors Britney, Dan, Janelle and Mike Boogie were given the option to join the game as players. The show, in fact, was so desperate to have this come off that they stacked the deck: if one of the four coaches agreed to the plan, they all had to do it. As it turned out, Boogie was the only holdout.
Project Runway had a tense challenge where teams of two designers had to create an Emmy red carpet look for past contestants. Andrea and Christopher, on the bottom after Andrea's slowness and lack of focus resulted in a hideous mess of a gown, got into a heated back-and-forth about who was to blame. And then a brief coda revealed that Andrea had packed up and left in the middle of the night rather than continue with the show. Just as well, since she clearly wasn't ready for the stress yet to come.
Louie Meets Robin
Robin Williams (or "Willaims", as the closing credits accidentally spelled his name) guested as himself on a strange and wonderful Louie sequence. Robin and Louie (Louis C.K.) were the only mourners at the funeral of comedy club owner Barney, whom they later admit was the worst human being either of them had ever known. On a whim, the new friends stop by Barney's favorite strip club. When the dancers, DJ and bouncers learn that Barney is dead, an ongoing scene of group mourning (set to Night Ranger's cheesy 1984 hit "Sister Christian") turns out to be oddly moving. As does Robin and Louie's shared promise to attend each other's funerals.