Kim Kardashian vs. The Fans
I know what you're thinking: not Kim. What has she ever done to her throngs of fans, other than entertain with her endless talent? Well I hope you're sitting down for this one: she's an idiot. KK is not super well-versed in Middle East issues, which is usually OK if you're not tweeting about conflict to your millions of followers. Kardashian tweeted out that she was "praying for everyone in Israel," which naturally pissed off everyone who sympathizes with Palestine. Can't wait to see how well her visit goes!
This must be the first time I've ever agreed with Kendra. It will likely be the last. But Kendra, of sleeping with a very old man fame, took some exception to Frasier bringing his three-month-old baby to a party at the Playboy Mansion. Evidently, she was so upset over it that she left. I presume it was not because she had to get up for work in the morning. On Kelsey Grammer's side -- well, he's a pretty big sitcom star. That's about it.
Mike Epps vs. Clubbers
We all chipped in and got Mike Epps a brawl at a club for his birthday -- and we even paid extra for the gun shots fired. This next part is kind of awkward, but we're still waiting on our Thank You card. I feel like the new mark of "making it" in Hollywood or professional sports is having shots fired at a club to celebrate the day of your birth. Now go talk to the cops, Mike -- they'd like to sing "Happy Birthday" to you.
Brandi Cochran vs. The Price Is Right
Good thing that Brandi Cochran did not bid $1. The price is far more right at the $8.5 million mark that she stands to get from essentially being pregnant on the job. Now I know that it's not cool to refer to a pregnant model as a "wide load," but seriously -- over three-quarters of a million dollars of not cool? To be fair, the 2010 lawsuit also claims that Cochran was fired for having a baby growing inside of her. But still, the court battle must have been the best Showcase Showdown ever.