Love was in the air on the Valentine’s Day episode of Two and a Half Men, for both Alan and Walden. Hilarity attempted to ensue, but it was just another sad episode of this rapidly sinking show. At least over-grown half man Angus T. Jones wasn’t in this episode, but that’s about the best thing you can say about it.
Looking for Love on Valentine’s Day
Walden (Ashton Kutcher) started the episode moping about Valentine’s Day, while Alan (Jon Cryer) happily anticipated his big night with Lindsay (Courtney Thorne-Smith). Then Kate called and wanted to see Walden, and his mood shot through the roof. He thought she wanted to get back together, but she really wanted to return the $100,000 he had invested in her business. He was sad to learn that they would no longer even be business partners.
Sadly, the funniest thing about the first third of the show was Jon Cryer’s tragically bad makeup, but we’ll move on because he’ll always be Duckie from Pretty in Pink and some things are sacred. Alan gave Walden a pep talk after the upsetting meeting, and he headed to Kate’s hotel to badger her into going to dinner with him. She kissed him goodnight after their date, but no amount of pleading could get him into her room for the night.
Man Grooming. Ugh.
The next morning, there was a prolonged and spectacularly unfunny scene where Alan showed off his manscaping to Walden, and then Walden shared his in return. It was initially confusing because all the audience saw was Cryer’s naked stomach, with a prominent and unmentioned surgery scar. Then Berta walked in and assumed Alan was performing a sexual favor on Walden in return for rent. Just another example of how the show has slid into lame and awkward attempts at humor since losing star Charlie Sheen. Let’s face it, it’s time to put this one out to pasture.
In the hotel room later, Lindsay was alarmed to walk in on Alan bleeding on the bathroom floor, after injuring himself trying to shave his pubic hair into a heart. She took him to the hospital and found herself wooed by her boyfriend’s misguided attempt to please her with intimate grooming. Walden went out with Kate again and they ended up in bed together, although Walden was distracted by memories of Alan’s unmentionables. Later, they realized they wouldn’t be able to coordinate their schedules and making a romance work would be difficult. Alan and Walden commiserated by the beach, while Kate jetted off with her secret new investor, who turned out to be Charlie’s ex, Rose!
“[Cupid] makes you think of God, which makes you feel guilty about having sex in the first place.” – Walden
“And in the second place.” – Berta
“I had no intention of sleeping with you. I even wore my granny panties.” – Kate
“The joke’s on you – I like a sensible, full-coverage briefs.” – Walden